Today

Today is a very special day in my life. All the fight and suffer of the last months was awardee in a packet with the visa that will allow me to finally be with Simone again.

It seems to be a dream and many times in my day I feel fear to wake up. The consulate finally recognises that we are a family and now we have the permission to register this union.

It was a long way since a felt for the first time that I love Simone and I felt fear of the future. Now we have this light saying that everything can be finally OK. This is so amazing that I feel wordless.

I just would like to say thank you to all the friends that supported us in this difficult months. Thanks to our lawyer that guided us through the trick process and I thank Simone that give me unconditional love.

I love you, gatinho de botas.

Hope

That's somethings in your life that you try very hardly to hide from the people and, mainly, from your own conscience. Things that you are shame of, worried of.

Even if you cannot fully understand those things you know, instinctually, that someday you will have to face and maybe live with.

Since the last days of the last year I've being systematically avoiding to write in this diary because every time that I do it seems like the fear is taking control.

The people that follow our news knows that we made a new application. In this moment the application is waiting for a analyses from some consulate's officer. It's so weird to think about it.

I constantly imagine the packet in some dark corner of a busy office, waiting. Inside it, all our hopes and dreams. Our love and commitment. Our tears, fears, expectations. Our time apart, our hard work. Our will to stay together. All of it inside the packet in a dark corner.

In some moment some officer will take this heavy packet and he will open it. He will read it and will see the pictures. He will analyse the bank statements, will see my portfolio, will search evidences and will finally, in a divine act, determinate if we are worthy to be happy.

Isn't weird? Is this fair? He doesn't know us. He never felt what we fell or had a terrible sleepless night wondering how would be his next day apart of the love of his life but the power to make our nightmare something permanent or give us the freedom to live was given to him.

Simone says that if the answer were negative he wants to came to Brazil and try the life here but how can I demand it from him after read his last post? After all the problems that he had to stabilise himself in London how could I say to him "hey, give up this your conquests and came to live a non perspective life in Brazil"? How can I pull him out from there when he is finally fitting in?

At this point I figure out that this is the question that I fear and that I hardly try to hide from myself. That I'm shamed of. Because I don't know if I could resist to ask Simone to do not give up from me but I love him too much to want him to live a bad life in a foreigner country when he can be happy there, where he is. I do never doubt about Simone's love. He already gave me all the proves about it. I just wanted him to be happy. I wanted to protect him from the pain. Protect him from the suffering.

We still have 9 days. I can just pray God to let me go back and see my Simo again.

I'm afraid but I hopeful too. And the hope needs to be bigger than the fear. We will meet again and when I see Simone's eyes I will be sure that all the suffering was nothing.

I will him and I will never be forced to be apart him anymore.

I will follow what Simone says. I will put all my positive thinking on it. I will believe that it will work. I have to work. We deserve a happy ending. We deserve it.

Simo, I love you.

treno

Il tempo corre. Da tempo non correva così... spero che mi porti buone nuove. Sono quattro mesi che vivo separato da Daniel, senza sapere quando e come terminerà questa separazione. E' pesante e mi chiedo come possa essere possibile che in questi tempi di millantata efficienza e di riduzione della burocrazia, quest'ultima possa ingerire ed influenzare così pesantemente la vita altrui.
Non nascondo di aver provato odio, odio puro, in queste ultime settimane.

Poco a poco la mia vita sociale sta crescendo, fortunatamente. Sto riprendendo la mia partecipazione attiva nella società e questo, come conseguenza positiva, porta la possibilità di incontrare e frequentare persone nuove. Il fatto di trovarmi in Londra, poi, fa sì che possa entrare in contatto con persone provenienti da nazioni differenti; questo dà molti punti alla città. In Torino questo, purtroppo, non è possibile; per la minore presenza di stranieri (povera Lega...) e per la chiusura mentale che ci porta a chiudere in comunità...

Oggi ho appreso una notizia che mi ha rattristato molto. Steve si è candidato nel coordinamento del PD sanamurese. Steve... un compagno! Che ha sempre votato Sinistra!
Dove va il mondo? Dietro ai padroni?????!!!!!!!

Un po' di fiori per il mio gatto e per gli amici che leggono.

giornata di sole + little advice

Per il secondo fine settimana consecutivo, qui a Londra godiamo di un sole splendente e di un cielo terso. A differenza della scorsa domenica, oggi la temperatura non è mite, trovandosi più in linea con quanto ci si aspetterebbe da febbraio.

Sto facendo un po' di amicizia con Piotr e Felipe, due ragazzi che vivono con me. In realtà Felipe è qui in vacanza, per trascorrere un po' di tempo con Piotr, con cui ha una relazione da quasi due anni.
Questo fa sentire il mio gattino, Daniel, meno sicuro e un po' più geloso. Mi spiace molto, perché io non faccio altro che pensare al giorno in cui torneremo a vivere insieme; spero che ciò accada presto, prestissimo. Fatico a vedere quali ragioni potrebbero addurre per negarci il visto. Questa volta, a differenza della precedente domanda, abbiamo collocato la parola single nello stato civile di entrambi. Sì... è ridicolo, dal momento che se stiamo chiedendo un visto di "proposed civil partnership" tutto siamo meno che single. Del resto pare che la denominazione di "unmarried partner" si applichi legalmente solo a coloro che convivono stabilmente.
La burocrazia è priva di alcuna logica, no?

To English speaking readers: in case you submitted an application for a proposed Civil Partnership visa, e careful. Even though you think that "unmarried partner" suits your status of someone in love with another one, from a legal point of view this could be interpreted differently and make your application be treated under the wrong paragraph.